World Cup is on. But you really don’t give a sh*t.

What do you do if you belong to the minority—judging from the mass-media coverage—who really doesn’t follow the World Cup this year. Your reasons might be either due to its appalling circumstance or that your interests merely lie somewhere else, be they horse-riding into the sunset or your wine club’s annual tasting.

Here’s a list of 10 activities you can indulge in, when the World Cup is on and you really don’t give a shit.

  1. Call that ex-girlfriend you know, who really hates soccer. Rekindle some of that sheet magic, you’ve been thinking of for much too long. You know you want to.
  2. Brazil has so much else to offer besides soccer. Go to RedTube and type “shemale” in the query and see the progress of modern surgical science unfold.
  3. Statistically, more men follow soccer than women. So, from a clear cause-and-effect principle, this will decrease your chances of crashing a sausage party. Scroll your Facebook Events. Don’t be picky.
  4. Go to the nearest bar and locate a “soccer widow.” You can recognize her on the angry vibe she sends out every time one guy screams, “Goal!” Strike a conversation starting with: “This is not a gentleman’s sport. Polo on the other hand…”
  5. Some women have a hard time believing that some men simply don’t watch soccer without thinking, “are you a dork?” If you’re after those types of women, steer the conversation to your love of fencing and fast cars. You’re probably lying but, hey, she probably figured that part out already.
  6. Your finer wine bars won’t even dream of displaying soccer, much less own something as tasteless as a flat screen TV. Hitching Post Pinot Noir and World Cup are as good a match as Foie Gras and PETA.
    Ah, the blessings of civilized pleasure…
  7. Read works written by gifted authors – such as this blog. Alright, that was long shot. Better go read Bukowski or Hemingway. Better yet, do like Bukowski and go bet on some horses. Beats watching 22+ grown men kick a ball around.
  8. Fuck.
  9. Appreciate the fact that no-one calls you because they know your interest in soccer is as great as your belief in peace in the Middle East. Enjoy the silence. Smoke some pot. No-one will judge you.
  10. Re-watch when Harry Met Sally. Here’s the link. No need in denying it: you’re old, alone and desperate for love.